In 2026, Marriage Care celebrates its 80th anniversary. Initially established to help couples experiencing relationship breakdown after the Second World War, Marriage Care has adapted over the decades.
Roger Carr-Jones, Chair of Marriage Care and Marriage and Family Life Coordinator for Westminster Diocese explains:
“Over the last 60 to 70 years, there has been a significant change in understanding of how relationships work. We’ve moved from a functional model – the man does this, the woman does that – to understanding that it’s relational, and we see that also reflected in changes in Church teaching, particularly since the Second Vatican Council.”
Marriage Care’s practitioners, like Roger, work with couples to nurture and strengthen their relationships. In this interview, Roger shares some of his unique insights and tips, inviting us to consider ‘the pantry of married love’ which contains three important ingredients: Reconnection, reconciliation, and renewal.
As we move into the summer, a period when many have opportunity to rest and take a breath, we are invited to consider these three ingredients and how we may use this time to refresh the palate of our relationship.
“As a couple, we have many calls upon our time. We’ll have work, we have children, and we may have other caring responsibilities; there are lots of things that draw us away. This is an opportunity to reconnect as a couple. I often talk about a date night as an opportunity for quality time within the week to be a couple.
“Healing herbs are also important in our store cupboard. We need to cure the stresses and the strains in the relationship. That’s why time in the wilderness matters, because the wilderness is never empty. Then, the lovely thing about renewal is that it’s about making ‘love’ visible again.”
Roger emphasises the important role of prayer in this recipe.
“Prayer is being present to God and present to one another. It’s not about words – prayer is encounter.”
Addressing difficulties in a marriage is not easy, and Roger shares that couples experiencing challenges wait an average of seven years before seeking professional support.
“It’s helpful to understand that in a normal relationship, disillusionment is a phase, but when we work through disillusionment, we strengthen our relationship. Communication, problem solving and conflict resolution are the skeleton of the relationship on which everything then hangs. Seeking enrichment for our relationship really does matter.”
This enrichment begins from within: “We need to be able to have self-reflection before we can have couple reflection. If I don’t love myself because I think I’m horrible, I’m going to struggle to love my spouse because I don’t have the language.”
As well as learning from the Magisterium, the Scriptures also give great insight into the spiritual enrichment of marriage, and Roger touches on a favourite passage for many: the Wedding Feast at Cana.
“If we think about Cana, the wine running out would have indicated that God wasn’t blessing this union. So, not only is it a sign and a miracle, but he actually creates more wine than you could possibly need in a lifetime. For me the key to the story is that the well of wine is always available to us as a couple, and when we recognise that Christ is present in our midst, that can change the narrative, but it’s not always easy. People find it difficult to articulate and share their faith because it makes them vulnerable.”
Roger explains that this vulnerability can be overcome with small and simple actions.
“The simplest prayer as a couple that you can do is to hold your hands. A simple prayer of gratitude for one another, because when we are physically close to one another, we are actually in union with one another.”
Returning to his original metaphor, Roger concludes his reflections by recommending that couples also make time to examine the ‘pantry’.
“Is our stock of love a little bit out of date? We should never make assumptions about love, because it can go stale and lose its flavour. We need to be intentional in our relationship and ask ourselves: What do I need to give within our relationship? Am I being generous with my time, even when I’m busy? Are the words I use generous? Do we affirm one another daily?”
The one none-negotiable store cupboard ingredient?
“The most important thing is forgiveness. If we struggle with forgiveness, we can remember that it’s actually spelt, ‘for-gifting.’ In forgiving, we create a space for something that is new.”
Listen to the full podcast below or in our ‘Podcasts’ section here.
